Tears fell a few times this weekend, for Ruve, who passed away last week. I didn't know she had been in such decline with cancer since October last ... the last words she spoke to me were on a phone message when my own Mum passed last April; "Janine, I just want you to know how much I care ... I really do care...", she sounded frail then, and that was before she was diagnosed with Cancer.
It was Ruve who initiated me to the joy, the wonder, support, the sheer wonderfulness of having a mentor in my life ... an extraordinarily intelligent, eccentric, loving and loyal one at that. What started with me, as a 'rookie' graduate on a half baked, part time project in her team, evolved in to a full blown manager as we negotiated an organisation-wide review. Did she strut her stuff!!
We'd head off to the pool for our 30 laps most lunch times, and more importantly, chin wag along the way. She did most of the talking, slyly and cleverly imparting her wisdom, her political prowess, her social conscience, her laser eye for detail, her humanness and kindness for her staff, her unwillingness to suffer fools, and as the lunches evolved ... personal stories and anecdotes.
She taught me that change is inevitable. It's an opportunity not a threat... and all issues that arose were dealt with swiftly, deftly, intelligently, and incisively.
AS for me, to my credit so I discovered, my job was to listen. A lot. Nod. Ask the odd question when I wasn't too afraid of sounding stupid, and then do something useful with it.
After I was nurtured out the door to go travelling indefinitely, we wrote letters .. Tomes... like, marathon, tell-all letters for years. I have them all still, as she did mine.
That intimacy was so delicious, and addictive. And healing (I assume for her as well as me). I, and I think she perhaps got to explore a realm of exploring the truth, not before revealed... and that was intoxicatingly scary and fun at the same time ...
For me there was a sense of honour... to feel so confided in by such a mature and admirable being, who by sharing so much with me, became so close, so real, and so vulnerable.
I'm dealing with some guilt that I hadn't made more attempts to see her .... she kept going through my mind to go and see her, even though she'd not returned two of my intermittent attempts to contact her. She had become forgetful and distracted. Who knows, that intensity of our relatedness and friendship was old, and just the lingering, yet dusty bond still held strong, between long gaps of non communication.
My still fledgling and developing spiritual beliefs are pretty firm in the idea that her spirit lives on, and I"m sure she's up there smiling at me, ready to serve another Ruve-ism at me .. about letting go and moving on, ... and that she loves me and is my friend.
I revealed to her partner of 25 years and her son Ben, that Ruve had been one of the single most influential people in my life. I wanted them to know another piece of the puzzle of their loved one ... my heart went out to her son Ben, as he lost his Mum through such similar circumstances to my own ... a long, lingering and disabling sickness... it's hard to reconcile such awful things, yet I heard she had kept such wondrous spirit in the midst of her dying. I am glad her suffering is over, and that she is free of her failing body.
A strong and wonderful woman, she will always be in my heart.
And what a gift to acknowledge what a difference she could make in one person's life ... (and many many more)... what a reminder to be kind hearted and generous in my relationships. To give what I have. To share and mentor. Perhaps one day someone in my life will look back at my funeral and share that I was the one who made such a monumental impact in their life. I hope I do one day. Thank you Ruve for showing the way.
I love you
J
ps At her funeral, Ruve had us all singing Bobby McGee', by the late, great, hard rockin' ... Janis Joplin. Cheeky woman.
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