Maybe I'm going through a dark night of the soul???

"Dark night of the soul is a metaphor used to describe a phase in a person's spiritual life, marked by a sense of loneliness and desolation. It is referenced by spiritual traditions throughout the world, but in particular by Christianity."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul

"While the term dark night of the soul is used broadly, its general meaning — in the field of higher consciousness — is a lengthy and profound absence of light and hope. In the dark night you feel profoundly alone." www.themystic.org/dark-night/index.htm - Cached

"The Dark Night of the Soul refers to a time of powerfully intense internal struggling and questioning of purpose. This usually occurs just before a spiritual awakening. It is facing your demons, so to speak, and the abyss threatens to swallow you whole. If successful, the process strips away most of the ego that holds you back from seeing yourself as a pure being, distinct from yet inextricably connected to those around you and the universe as a whole. It is not something that can really be sought after; it is something occurs as it should on your Path to Enlightenment. It is, by definition, a terrifying yet necessary part of spiritual development."
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/90841#ixzz0qySjajI6

www.themystic.org/dark-night/index.htm - Cached

"The things I was successful at creating were not my own visions or the unique contributions that only I could make. I was up underneath other people and supporting them to realize their passions and to make their contributions, always giving so much more than I was receiving.

Ultimately, in spite of all of my success, I felt profoundly under realized, under expressed and under supported. I had the painful and chronic experience of feeling unseen, unfulfilled and alone."

However, paradoxically, I had no idea what it would look like to bring forth my own unique gifts, or how I might create relationships in my life that really supported me to blossom.

The end result was a painful and agonizing depression that I felt for several years. I now refer to this time as my own dark night of the soul. And it was deeply confusing because I had those things that I thought were supposed to make me happy--I did what I supposed to do to be successful in life.

I intuitively sensed that unless I somehow course corrected, I was on a trajectory to leave this world without having ever fully become myself, experienced and expressed great love, or contributed the gifts I was born to give." Claire Zammit

And while we're at it ... some other thoughts on Depression:

Peter Wilberg "It addresses many points including the stigma and guilt a person who is depressed may feel. In his own words - "The depressive process is our most natural form of meditation, not raising us into the light but helping us to feel our way down to the innermost core of our being". "The depressive process is essentially a deepening process, helping us to feel the meaning of events at a deeper level and respond to them from a deeper level of our being".