Coveted goddessness ... creation anyone?

I had the longest loveliest chat to a male friend a few weeks ago. He was driving across central NSW back to Sydney, and I was perched in bed in my little old suburb in Hobart, Tasmania, on my phone (not an uncommon place for me to be communing with my vast social network across the globe).

Nearly two hours we chatted, on all things known to man … and more memorably, sex. I love the people in my life that I can just be totally and completely open and honest with, and say anything that is on my mind, even the most intimate or personal things, knowing there is trust, respect and an ability to receive without judgement… it is such a wonderful exploration!

At that time, I was contemplating whether to go and see an old lover and friend who had randomly re-entered my life … It meant flying to Queensland on a whim.

My new thoughts about myself, life and the universe were emerging…. Those being … I don’t think I want to do casual, uncommitted sex anymore … even if I am pushing 39 with real supposed sexual needs and no partner to explore them with. Am I, as a liberated flowing and abundant woman meant to be free flowing with my sexuality? Or do I actually want to covet myself … be ‘courted’, and make that something so sacred and special, I would only dream of sharing it with someone whom loved and respected and honoured me?

I mean this particular dialogue could launch a long and age old debate about the differences between men and women … the feminist movement and modern day culture … and I’m not going to go there.

What it did evoke from my wonderful male friend … at that time going through his own contemplations about his own needs and his own relationship … and the concept of ‘open relationships’ … was…..

“I think everyone should have as much sex as is humanly possible.” …

“And as for you, men have lots of sex, they are a stud. Women have lots of sex, they are a slut… I mean, who came up with that idea?” He asked…. “It’s bullshit … just go have lots of sex”.

Yeah, go figure, who knows? Wonders me … having oscillated myself over the merits and self valuing that goes along with one night stands or mutually agreeable ‘unattached’ sexual relations…

He proposed to me, that, if we are evolved human beings, then it is all about being present. Being in the now. If I am present and evolved in being a human being, then who cares about past judgements or future relations, when all there is is now, now, now, now … the beauty, the mystery, the elation, the ecstasy of the moment. The unattached joy of being present and in the creative abundant (sexual) flow.

So, he proposed, that the number or frequency of sexual partners was irrelevant, if one came from that point of view.

He was coming from the idea that maybe he didn’t want to be in this committed relationship, and that maybe committed relationships were just a weird and unsustainable construct? Me coming from the place of wanting to attract one of those relationships, and should I surrender or devalue myself by entering any other kind of casual thing in the process of receiving another such relationship that I desired. (Maybe the act of doing 'casual' would then block the attracting / receiving of a kind wonderful and committed man).

From a number of my own contemplations and readings, the following tumbled forth from my mouth, quite unexpectedly … and I am doing my best to recollect it now, as my friend has harassed me on numerous occasions since, to write it down, because it gave him goose bumps!!

I thought to how it works in nature … with the animal kingdom. A pretty balanced place to use as a starting point on sexual relations.

To me, animals are very present. They have to be, for survival. They have instinct. They have loving playful and committed relationships (look at a dog pack or a pair of birds that mate for life) … so that concept is not uncommon even in nature … to be committed. You also see the other possibility where it is all about mating, and moving on… ensuring survival of the species.

Animals don’t have this mind chatter (don’t seem to anyway).. they sense energy, and they act and just be, in their environment, being loving, nurturing, hunting, and providing. Responding, not reacting.

Whether that means they have a mate, or they sleep around, then it is irrelevant really. They do what their species has always done, and balance reigns in their world. There's no female creatures thinking the males flying in and flying off are arseholes, or the males thinking the women are skanky (well, they may be, yet I doubt it!).

What distinguishes us as humans, is this ability to engage in creation itself … to put our minds to creating something, perhaps never created before, and making it happen.

Lets say I want to build a house, first I have the idea, then I build a vision of that house in my minds eye … then perhaps write it down in words, feelings, collage it with pictures, or draw a detailed picture of it, build a model, tweak it, build this beautiful vision of what it is I am going to create … at some point in the future. That’s not about being in the present, it’s about the future. And I can draw on my memories of the past of what I liked or disliked in building that vision for the future.

The key point here, is I might invite someone else to share in the creation of this vision … and then move toward that creation together. By taking action in the moment … creating a future together.

To me, that is where the juice is. The synergy that comes from inviting someone else in to create a shared vision. The possibility when there is two is this wonderous incredible possibility of creating something much much bigger, in-synergy together. Co-creating more than I could ever come up with on my own. This creates the possibility of innovation, beauty, wonder, and healing in unprecedented ways.

That is the single biggest possibility about being in a relationship with someone…. Whether in business, or in my social network, or in this context, my intimate relationship.

So my answer to my friend about why not just be in the moment with lots of sexual partners forever??? Forget this commitment thing???

I contend that yes, it can work ... be alone, be right, be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want ... and at what cost??? That great opportunity and possibility of human vision and creation would be totally ignored…. Because whilst bliss can be momentary … why create that energy and not do anything wonderful with it? Together, on a journey along a road ...

Yes, it is hard! Yes emotions and personalities and differences in point of view, totally suck!! And that is the gift too, to honour each other … and to me, that is the point … to learn to be in co-creation together … because that is the thing that is going to make life worthwhile … and memorable. Not a long history of one-off meetings and acquaintances..

Geese look at my friends. My friendships that I nurture, love and encourage give me so much in my life, as I hope I do to my friends … what if I just let my life be a bunch of casual meetings, introductions, juicy conversations even and never engaged with that person ever again?? Where is that depth, that total joy of getting to so deeply and intimately know another person. Be there for them. Delve deeper with them. Be in that beautiful gap of silence with a mutual ‘knowing’… of knowing my friend's intimate desires, what makes them happy, and then doing that for them. I can’t possibly ever engage in that level of giving of intimacy and love with a stranger, or a new acquantance. I can be generous with them, and how would I possibly know how to take care of them or love them in a way that I knew would make them happy?

My goodness what a lonely existence.

To be together in union with someone, takes work, energy, love and acceptance… it’s so much easier to be on my own.

The co-creation that awaits us as humans, on an enlightened and generous/abundant plane is what the world is reaching out for now … this ability of human creation and vision has, as we can see, the capacity to create much hurt, and ugliness in the world … now… with this shift of consciousness and these confronting emergencies … it is our responsibility to stop being separate, and to come together, in the synergy of creation, of wonder and possibility, so that we may heal the earth and each other.

Thank you my friend, for that conversation. I hope this ramble does it some justice.

I love you

J

PS in the end I went to Queensland, it was one of the biggest gifts of learning and shifts I will ever have in my life. No intimate relations were entered in to, even though a huge part of my animal nature wanted it… and constantly challenged the status quo. My emotional needs were too great, and thence the navigation began … with boundaries and clarity on what it is I want to create in my life…. and honouring and dancing the emotional conversational plane with another (and yes, inelegantly and clumsily at that).

To all of the friends in my life, I have so much love and honour for you, for nurturing me along the way. Please let me be of service to you in any way you need. That's what I'm here for.